A friend of mine once gave me a good rule of thumb for “getting over” bad relationships – you know, the ones you get dumped from, or worse, the ones you have to end because there’s no mutual way out. He said it takes exactly half the length of how long you were actually in love, and because I’m a heterosexual, he also said “with the woman in question”. But I think he was on to something more general, which has been on my mind recently. I think human tribes have a similar function. This isn’t to say that we’re all tribal; no, I think we’re slowly – preciously slowly, and probably too slowly – evolving to the point where rank tribalism isn’t part of our emotional and mental makeup. But for most of us, it’s still there.
Continue reading “Hangovers”The new normal
I have a smallish refrigerator, and thus I try to make meals which won’t have many leftovers, but that also means I have to shop pretty regularly. Apologies to our readers in London or Paris or Singapore for pointing out the obvious, but keep in mind I live in semi-rural southern Maine, where most people have fridges the size of small SUVs, and thus cook roughly six months in advance. It shows both a kind of thriftiness which I find impressive, but also an unconscious faith in the stability of the electrical grid which I find touchingly naive.
Continue reading “The new normal”Right
Our co-conspirator Vero posted her first essay in a very long while yesterday, which gave me an excuse to open a bottle of bubbly (not technically Champagne, but a California methode champanoise produced by a French house, which given the lingering effects of Trump era tariffs is an affordable and more than delicious substitute for the good stuff). Generally speaking, one need no more excuse to drink good Champagne than a day ending in “y”, but it is nice to reserve it for a special occasion.
Continue reading “Right”Epistemic Interlude
For months now, I’ve been silent. I am sorry that I couldn’t find the words to share how I felt. Because to be frank, I’ve been wondering: what ‘right’ do I possess to voice my perspective? What makes my view on life, on social affairs, on ethics something ‘worthy’ of being shared? How can I know that my ideas are ‘good’ and ‘important’, at least enough to deserve the energy and discipline it takes to come to the screen and write my innermost thoughts? More importantly, how can I justify asking you to focus your attention on my words instead of on all of life’s other pressures and pleasures available to you? How can I justify asking that of you?
Continue reading “Epistemic Interlude”Habitual
As a child, I was encouraged to cultivate good habits and discouraged from acquiring bad ones. An example of a good habit might have been brushing my teeth each night before I went to bed; an example of a bad habit might have been eating too much sugary food. Another good habit was taking regular exercise; another bad habit was smoking cigarettes. From a child’s perspective, good habits always needed to be cultivated – that is, they needed regular work and attention – because they were not things that one would have done instinctively. Given the choice, plenty of sugar and no toothpaste would seem far more enjoyable. Likewise, the appeal of bad habits called for an effort of resistance, since they held out the promise of immediate gratification, whatever worries one might have about long-term harms. I learned that nurturing the right habits is hard work, requiring us to swim against the flow of pure contentment, against our natural predilection for easy pleasures.
As an adult, I have come to regard this approach as too simplistic. For sure, it matters that we make good choices about daily health and hygiene, but it matters more that our habits – both of behaviour and thought – are truly ours, that is, that they are chosen by us rather than adopted unreflectively. Habitual ways of thinking and acting are bad for us not just when they lead us into foolish or unhealthy actions, but also when they are acquired without thoughtful consent. Just as the smoke from someone else’s cigarette can damage our lungs, so too the passive acquisition of habits can damage our character.
Continue reading “Habitual”